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Life of Riley: Party On, Dave.
Party On, Dave. I'm a party person. I like to enrich my calendar with the occasional rage. If ... steps of parliament back in '75 and told us, "Maintain your rage, Australia!" I just ... search of a crowd more my kind. Selling Tribune ("the only paper your boss doesn't own or ...
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Life of Riley: Dear diary,
shave and shampoo. 9.10 Record ablutions in diary. 9.33 Dress. 9.40 Look in diary. Review events of ... yesterday. (Sundays: review previous week.) 10.01 Drink morning cup of tea. 10.10 Look in diary. Go to same ... house. Mock me if you will, but there are those like me who value their routines. Where would we be ...
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Life of Riley: Chesty Bond's undies
of it, Mr Bond. Underneath, the plain people of Australia will still be wearing you next to them. ... Sweaty armpits. Gluteus maximus. Nipples (x2). The nation's genitalia. Think of it, Mr Bond. ... I like it. Undercover, you understand. With undies we're Y-front rather than up-front about this. ...
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Life of Riley: PC or no PC, that is the question
said, that your run-of-the-mill leftie is very hard to amuse. They look for overtones, undertones, ... the twin poles of socialism or barbarism it's a touch difficult to crack a smile. Take the ... being sentenced to centuries of class struggle? It is such notions that are sure to put a damper on your ...
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Life of Riley: Oink! Oink!
another in its place. (Sounds of: Oink! Oink! Oink!) By Dave Riley November 25, 1998 342 ... forfeited the confidence of the government. The recent spate of street heat during the meeting of the ... wasn't enough, calling members of the people's army, blind pigs (babi buta)— and in a Muslim ...
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Life of Riley: Terra Australis Proprietary Limited
This novel initiative is a logical consequence of the trend toward privatisation. We're ... fast-tracking it, that's all. The formation of Terra Australis Proprietary Limited and its listing on the ... with an injection of confidence. The crash which preceded the present zigging and zagging of the All ...
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Life of Riley: Mr spermatozoon finds a home
to be a lot of human semen entering the world from private parts unknown. What it gets up to — when ... it gets out there — is anyone's guess. Each day there's buckets of the stuff discharging ... most of them are going to be dead by breakfast. Such is life... for sperm. Lest we forget them. If it ...
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Life of Riley: I love rupiah
a collection of the many pronouncements made about our near neighbour to the north by professional scribes of ... one kind or another. I do not suppose that there is a decent man or woman within the four walls of ... told, wafts no more. Do you know, it frightens me to think that such a near and dear neighbour like the ...
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Life of Riley: Dot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot
SOS. This is Asia. Position 45 N 150 E 90 W. Stop engine. We need assistance." Of course you heard ... particular region of the global economy hope to gain by coming to us cap in hand? Asia: Aid, please, sir. ... Aid! Asia: Yes, sir. We've run out and would like some more. What happened to the last lot we sent ...
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Life of Riley: To GST or not
— that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of ... outrageous fortune, or to take up arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? PRIME MINISTER ... Sorry. [Exit PRIME MINISTER] HAMLET: Now you've done it! I've lost my train of thought. ...
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Life of Riley: Food and revolution
you talk of food at a time like this? It's time to raise the alarm. It's time to fight. ... This is not the place to itemise my ADL — my "activities of daily living". Suffice to say ... don't care to comment on the pressing problems of the world? MYSELF: You misunderstand me. I'll ...
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Life of Riley: Newcastle — you never had it so good
But me, I never had it so good. I see? You hear all sorts of complaints. "I lost me job" or ... home, a good steady income, without a care in the world. Would we be happy? Not bloody likely. For sure. ... it's not been easy. But you know, I wouldn't swap a moment of it. Not for anything. Is that so? ...
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Life of Riley: Honourable intentions
call 1 million votes a cut back. That's a lot of would-be racists. And Kernot — — Whatever you say ... seriously believe that! Come on now. Don't tell me you think Kernot is some sort of Joan of Arc? ... — Well, she's sure to have more backbone than the rest of them. Each to their own, I suppose. But ...
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Life of Riley: What's in a life?
and have lived a life free of incarceration. This Riley's gone straight. You won't catch me ... thieving like my forebears. And I'm famous. You wouldn't believe the number of people who say: ... life of Riley." We giggle and guffaw some, but really it's all show. Living the life of Riley ...
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Life of Riley: Venting my spleen
possesses a head much larger than I would have liked, I do think we have captured the likeness of the ... Well, it should be! But since it is not, Life of Riley Enterprises will be offering correspondence ... Venting my spleen I cannot claim to possess oodles of imagination. But I have my moments. ...
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Life of Riley: Downsizing down under
sometimes. But I like to think that all of us down under can make a go of it by pulling ourselves up by our ... still early days. We are burdened with this terrible — truly terrible — legacy of high unemployment. And ... proceed with its agenda. That's what we are here for. And I tell you, we have more of the same up our ...
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Life of Riley: Getting to know the problem
you. For starters, stop dying so early. Live on to a ripe old age like the rest of us. And that death ... "We need to have the same approach to our black friends. (They're very like children, aren't ... in custody thing simply has got to stop. They're all keen on a bit of a hit and giggle every now ...
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Life of Riley: Four years... and then some
the same Dave Riley that writes for 91×ÔÅÄÂÛ̳ Weekly are you?". And it makes you feel like ... Well, it's funny you should ask — you just had it. By Dave Riley [To see a selection of past Life ... of Riley columns, visit the revamped Satire Workshop on the web at ...
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Life of Riley: Christmas Classifieds
in a casket in Highgate Hill, London, England, during the year of 1883 please contact Mr. D.J. Riley ... Christmas Classifieds Apology: The illustration of the Panasonic Cordless Phone (Model KX-T4026AL) ... on page 16 of the Optus World Christmas catalogue currently being distributed shows the incorrect ...
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Life of Riley: Get a job up ya!
Get a job up ya! What a week we've had here at LORES. The Life of Riley Employment Service ... down the unemployment rate by (wait for it!) 2.3%. Golly, if we had a month of Wednesdays like that, we ... Australia program. True blue, dinky-di, employing type Australians all. Every one of them generous to a T. ...
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Life of Riley: Winston
sockets of his and I feel like I could cry. I tell you, it's so very hard being the father of the ... leader of the nation. By Dave Riley <dhell@ozemail.com.au> February 9, 2000 392 ... Winston Regular readers of this column may recall Winston — the John Howard look-alike figure we ...
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Life of Riley: The Wall
and walls of all sorts. When that wall came tumbling down it was like — as my dear old grey-haired ... The Wall What could be more symbolic than thousands of people using their bare hands, chisels and ... was a structural representation of Communism/Joe Stalin/the Iron Curtain/the Cold War/the Evil ...
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Life of Riley
His fine wit Give or take a few months, it is the 130th anniversary of the death of Thomas Love ... Peacock. B'gad! you exclaim, has he been gone from us for that long a time? Of course there's ... a chance, I grant, that among you there could be some few who have never heard of the gentleman. What ...
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Life of Riley: Mal returns to form
Mal returns to form 'Tis a delightful irony of Australian politics that Malcolm Fraser should ... reinvent himself as a radical. Anyone who has been cohabiting with the man within the four walls of ... a friend of the Downtrodden and Oppressed. Indeed, he played for the other side: centre half forward and, ...
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Life of Riley: Every home should have one
Every home should have one I wonder if I could have a few moments of your time? I feel that it is ... everyday business often with strict regard to certain well-established norms of behaviour. In this regard, ... length in a region often referred to as the crotch. More than likely you'll know what I'm ...